Let’s face it: weddings can be boring. If you’re not feeling lovey-dovey, if you don’t know the people (or, worse, if you don’t like the people!), if you just want to get home and watch the game already – then you know, yes, weddings can be boring. But there’s hope! Because here at Tarukino, we know your plight. We know the agitated, itchy feeling of sitting all dressed up in a place where you don’t want to be. It’s the burden each and every one of us must bear at least once in a while – whether it’s church, a distant cousin’s graduation, a bar mitzvah or even a boring ol’ wedding. So, without further ado, here is your Guide To Surviving A Wedding You Don’t Want To Be At!
Bring A Flask: Traditionally, people filled flasks with booze. But that can cause problems – alcohol is easily traceable on the breath and it makes you make bad decisions. So, fill your flask with a 10 MG bottle of Happy Apple. It tastes amazing (has no bad weed aroma) and will have you feeling mellow during the vows.
Bring A Handful Of Pearl Minis: There’s no better way to make new pals than by saying, “Hey want a Peal Mini?” Of course, they do! Infuse anything with this handy little 10 MG vile of entertainment. Get a little THC buzz and the wedding will flyyyyy byyyy.
Earbuds Are Your Ear Buds: Sit in the back, and put the ear buds up your shirt or dress and enjoy the baseball game on low volume. Get your mind pictures going with the help of the radio in your cell phone.
Sunglasses: Hide your eyes! No one will know you’ve dozed off in the back row!
Day Dream: Nothing whisks you away quite like a bottle of Grapefruit Utopia Sparkling Water on a late summer night. If you’re sick of Auntie Jennifer reading another poem from the program, excuse yourself for a bathroom break and drink a 10 MG bottle of the zero-calorie stuff. Then let your mind waaaaannnnddeerrrrr.
Make A Romantic Friend: After a few drinks, it’s time to hit the dance floor. Surprise your new dance partner with a little Happy Apple. We also make this – just in case you get lucky!
Guilt For Massages: If you’re someone else’s date, however, and they dragged you to this gosh-forsaken wedding, then it’s time to cash in your guilt card. “I’ll go with you to the wedding, sweetheart,” you might say, “but I’m getting a week of backrubs in return!”
Eat: When in doubt, go back for seconds. Italian meatball lasagna? Yup! Extra bread and butter? Sure! Dessert? Let’s get three scoops! Eat your feelings of boredom. Eat them away!
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